Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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