shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
