my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
