I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
