Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
