I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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