man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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