yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
