you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
