Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
