I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
