final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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