make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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