People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
