it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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