Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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