yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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