smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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