Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize