she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
