Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
