too bad you live with your parents still
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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