you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize