the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
