i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Randomize
