I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
