smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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