i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
