she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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