you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
