If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
