The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
