So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
