so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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