I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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