You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
