i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
