Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
