And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
