i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
