I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize