That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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