I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
