I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
