I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Holy shit dude........stairs
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
