He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
