She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
