I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize