Small penises have feelings too.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
