it's not cheating when I paid for it
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
