Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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