is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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