you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
