I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
