Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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