His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
