everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
