i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
