at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
