yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
