I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
