I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
