no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
