It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I didn't notice because vodka
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize