I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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