if i can run in heels then i can drive
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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