i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
