Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
