Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
