oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
In America we eat man semen.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
