i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
