I need help removing her.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
third nipple confirmed
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
