took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
