my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
