When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
