I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
