I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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