I'm sorry my penis didn't work
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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