so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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