you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
