I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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