I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize