Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Randomize
