ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
