'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
