i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
