I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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