you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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