She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
