I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize