My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
