if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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