my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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