what day is it and did you see me today?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
