i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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