Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize