If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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